Everything today turns upside down. I've done so badly today. I've should never done that ):
What happen today? Let me just list down some points....
- Sheena gave a 'star pen'
- T.Putri was absent so T.Koh relieve and we had 5 periods of Maths
- We talk and laugh about Gary's wedding
- I laugh and gary poked me
- Then Sheena's ring was stucked at Gary's finger
- Sheena say to Gary "I like looking at you"
- Sheena got a light blue star ring
Then the bad things happened after breaktime, I know now many of people will think bad of me... I've known some of it already. It was like, OH GOSH!
Jasilah, Jenifer, Hufailin and I was talking something and Hufailin started talking bad about brunei's school. I mean, if you were in my situation, you would have done the same thing. I response to him that not all school were that bad, then he starts insulting about Brunei's. I was really mad because I was the only bruneian in that class and if there were more, bruneians will stand up to defence their country; as if you don't.
I admit it was harsh that i said "Because you were foreigner!" But I was really mad, actually, if he listen i said "WAIT!" He said that it was a shout, but for locals it wasn't. Then he started annoyed me again by using his old technique, in 2008, I was in fight with him too, and he always started the fight. Even with teachers.
I realize that if he was fighting with me, he could get expelled cause I have a really strong back-up behind me. So I say "foreigner" I didn't exactly meant it, but I don't know how it goes out of my mind. I was really sad that I've been trained to control my angry since I was a kid, and I have a rank to be hold, and to be cleaned.
Let me tell you if he started to push/hold/touch me; the inspector of school would come, as most of my cousin already did. If they find out, not only the student, but the teacher incharged in that time will also be warned. And I don't feel like it, I mean I've made 2 teachers being fired already, but that was reasonable, one was because he slap Hufailin (see, i'm protecting all of you) and another was because he was torturing the student, (jasilah, hufailin, gary and other were includes too)
But in the afternoon, me myself also didn't feel good, i feel really bad, so i said "I'm sorry" to him, he didn't even care about it. I done my job, so now let people think who I am. Yes, I have a higher rank, much more higher than Dato or Datin, but I was in my best behaviour. Just I know when people talk off the limits, and I'm mad only to those who are off their limits, I did angry at them. But after a few a while I must say "I'm sorry" because eventhough it was not acceptable for me, but I'm not that type of person. I didn't like enemy, I always feel bad mad at people and stuff.
As you Hufailin didn't like to lose, so its like he needs to win all time and he started talking crap, I got mad, and we, the ranking people mad is different. So you know how I feel. If we are mad, our language is very different. And you may get heart pain.
So to those who are foreigner and were hurt also, I'm sorry.... I didn't you. He, has gone into the limits, and what will you do if he does that to your country too? It was hurt for me also since all of you are my friends, I keep backing myself so i won't hurt you as my style (rank of people) we were taught in different ways. It is was people said (padas or laser)
I know the internet now may explode about me, so yeah..........
I got no mood to type anymore
JIM
PS: How does you feel when a person talks bad about your country but they lived and depend on it? Isn't it the biggest insult ever? I don't look down of you, but know the boundary of talking to me. Here, I might sue you.
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| I really am sorry, forgive me.... |
Why I can't express my feeling too? You can, that's not fair! You even said bad things about bruneians, and I did hurts but I controlled it.... There is a time to tell them.
In 2008, I also did a fight, there i was more scary-er, I hit the table, luckily Hijazi was there. I know since that I can't be angry, so most of you may be shocked, scared, and other feelings. I'm sorry. Gary who's seen me more angry-er felt it was funny moment. Like I said, you are not even half known me yet.
I need some time to recover, thanks to carrie, lai, gary, sheena, christy, jasilah for helping me to calm down. I don't know what will I do when I'm into the maddness emotion, I might throw the table like I did last time a few years back. Thank you so much and I'm really sorry for what I have done.
PSS: I only angry in certain time, when i'm stress (like now). My mum got some kind like a stroke, she can move half of her face, or feel, or control or anything to do with half of it. I'm taking over my family, and lots of pressure and there is people making me mad, how can I stop it? Try it yourself! It's like standing alone in the corner of the room.
